Nothing is Ever Lost

I was on the beautiful slopes of Mount Shasta for my yearly solo retreat at a place I am very familiar with and that I love. The weather was perfect. I had everything that I needed. It was August of 2013.

And I was struggling. I was suffering.

It is common on these retreats ….. in the wilderness …… alone …… that I struggle and wrestle for the first few days with my own mind. I was surprised this time. In the past, I was leading a very stressful life. But this year was different. I came to this retreat recharged and refreshed.

But once there, my mind tormented me; it judged me. It judged me for being on retreat when I was already having so much ease in my life. What was I doing on retreat? Was I being self-indulgent? Was I running away from something in my life that I was blind to? Should I feel guilty?What was going on? The internal struggle was intense.

I couldn’t escape it. Day after day I was weighted down, questioning, doubting why I was even there, in paradise. Why was it okay for me to sit and watch the birds, to meditate, to read, to study, to focus on the glory of the Beloved Infinite Presence of Life Itself?

Then one day I was walking ….. simply…… out of my camp, the judge of my mind pulling my heart heavily to the ground … and as I stepped out of my camp area something said to me loud and clear…… in my own mind ……… but as if it came from outside of myself…….  a beautifully clear something…. said to me, “nothing is ever lost.” I almost dropped to my knees with the realization…. Nothing is ever lost! Nothing!

All of this suffering I had been doing the last 3 days…… all that I am…… all of my suffering from all of eternity….. any mistake……nothing is ever lost in the heart and mind of Infinite Presence.  Everything is reabsorbed back into It. Everything is held.

In that moment, like a flash, like a turning of the page, my mind cleared, my heart was free and I knew… that my suffering didn’t matter. That everything was okay just as it was. That there’s nothing to fix or change.

There wasn’t anything wrong, that everything… everything was completely held by the Beloved, in my heart, in my soul, in my mind, ……. every nuance and nook and cranny of my being, of my thought process, of my emotions, known or unknown, seen or unseen,…..  was held. Everything would be reabsorbed back into Perfection Itself. And in that moment I was free….. completely free to simply be…. to be in love with Life….. to be in love with the moment…….

And so I offer this to you, dear reader, for your own heart, anytime you may need, it to remember, to know, to contemplate, that you may know for yourself that nothing is ever lost in the mind of God, in the Heart of Beingness Itself. It cannot be.

For there is just this one Infinite Consciousness, Awareness and Presence, always active, always happening. And you are held by That. Everything that you are, is held by That. Everything you have ever done, whether you deem it good or bad or right or wrong, is held by That……. unconditionally…. and absorbed back into Original Presence, Original Peace….. whether you know it or not.